Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Window Valances = Shorty-Short Bangs

You know you are an interior designer/decorator when you look at shorty-short bangs 

and think they resemble window valances.

Adele's comment on yesterday's blog made me remember why I abhor a single tier of valances.
They remind me of shorty-short bangs.
Balloon Valance?
I don't like shorty-short bangs.
  I had shorty-short bangs when I was a wee lass.  But I didn't look adorable like this.

I my shorty-short bangs looked kinda like this.  (Damned pixie haircuts!)
Do you see the resemblance between shorty-short bangs and window valances?  Don't they have the   same-straight-across, off-balance, serving-no-purpose, fringe-for-nothing look?

Damaged from a childhood haircut trauma, I take out my frustrations on window valances....

(PS: The client called me back today and wanted to hire me to stage her house.  I passed.)

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Boring Bedroom Blathering Bull Staging

Yeah, I know the title makes no sense.  Bare with me...
Last week, I was hired to stage a house tomorrow.  Yesterday, I was told it wasn't happening Wednesday.  The seller wants to talk to another stager.  After 12 years, this is a first.

May I share with you my plans to transform this bedroom? I am overwhelmed with mind-numbing cra-cra thoughts over this cancellation. I've invested so much time, effort and money into this project.  I feel compelled to share my plans for the Master bedroom. Blogging is good therapy.  Better to blog than go postal, no?

Here's the Master Bedroom picture.  I liked the purple comforter. StagerLinda loves color!.
I pulled a huge bolster and pillow shames from my inventory for head of the bed.  I washed and ironed the covers to crisp perfection! I am was bringing in aqua accessories as another punch of color. I bought perky 3-D pillows to doll up the bed.  Also bought a new shade for a lamp. Can you see how it has the perfect colors to coordinate?  The large abstract picture is my inventory. (You might recognize it from a previous dining room staging.) The picture was to be displayed over the bed. See the fat ceramic vase at the bottom of the picture?  The white iris (wrapped in paper above the perky pillows) were going into it.  The white iris, the pillows white background, the white lampshade, the white in the abstract picture would have added springtime freshness to this ho-hum room.
There is nothing over the bed now.
 Holy Thanksgiving!  This is the wall entering the bedroom as it is now.
See that heavy, ugly treadmill in front of the windows?  I interviewed and scheduled movers for tomorrow to carefully lift it to its new location. I spent hours shopping for the perfect picture for this wall. Then, while shopping on Saturday--Holy Hannah! Thar she blows...I spied this picture on a back wall at the Thieves Market!  I couldn't believe my good fortune.  This one picture would be magic!  It would pull all the colors together and make a Pharrel-Happy greeting as buyers enter the master bedroom.

This is my living room after shopping and pulling inventory.
My wonderful staging assistants, Karen and Jane, were scheduled to help me load and stage the house. 

Time to lick my wounds and start the demo.

Yes, I had a contract.  Yes, I require a deposit. No, I didn't receive a deposit.  No, the contract was not signed and returned. Yes, it is my fault.  Lack of a signed contract has never been a problem before.  I've always worked for great sellers that were true to their verbal agreement.

As my daddy always said, "My handshake is my contract."  It was a different era....

Friday, May 2, 2014

FAQ: This House Isn't Selling. What's the Problem?

  Happy Friday, y'all.

I consulted on this house yesterday.  Check out this 'greeting' as soon as you walk through the front door.

What do you think?
The house is beautiful.
The furnishings are expensive.
The features are A+.
The finishes are A++.

"What's the problem?"  asks the realtor.
So, guess what I blurted out?  I mean really--I do need an Edit Button.  Sometimes the wrong words just tumble out of my mouth.  As soon as the last syllable was uttered, I winched waiting for an appalling reaction. 

The words I spilled forth were:

                                                                      Funeral Home. 

Funeral Home.  I compared a beautiful house to a Funeral Home.

Dang it, Linda! What is wrong with you?  Shut up!

Amazingly,  I still got the job.  Go figure.